Overheard This Week

I've hopped on the train more than normal this week, and due to failure on my part for not charging my ipod and not having any reading material I have rediscovered the joys and banes of travelling on the train without entertainment.

The main joy is listening in to peoples' conversations. Now I know this rude, or so I've been told, however I have never listened in to someone's conversation unless they were talking quite loudly which means I don't have to strain to listen at all. 

Here is a small sample of what I heard...

1. Woman of around 30yrs old talking to a work colleague (I'm assuming, as she told him she'd see him the next day in the hellhole - this may or may not have been an euphemism)

'Well, when I was getting my butterfly tattoos, I was spyin' on the guy in front of me gettin' his done and he got British tattooed right across his back but the guy who'd done it spelt British with two t's! Never laughed so much, but at least you can't misspell a butterfly eh? But yeah, I'm going to get them covered up next week'

Now, as someone who has tattoos and knows a fair few tattooists, I did find this anecdote amusing but not in the way she did. (If you are reading this and are wanting/about to get tattooed do NOT allow someone to touch you with a needle that marks you for the rest of your life who cannot spell). Anyway, I guess her just desserts are that she works in a hellhole and you can't misspell a butterfly but you sure as hell can eff it up.

2. A young, pregnant woman on the phone to her friend

'I told him that he weren't coming in the room with I'm pushing it out. I know! I'll hold it in if I have to, I don't want him anywhere near me and if he is in there I'll break his hand. Awh, I'm tellin' ya if I weren't so far along I would not be havin' his baby'

This was confusing. In spite of me not being a mother, I'm almost certain you can't hold a baby in if you're in labour and I'm now worried about the future of this child's life. I'm sure this young lady was having a bad patch, she did go on to say how much she had bought for her future arrival - lots of pink.

3. Two young women chatting next to me. They were fairly banal and although it was compulsive listening they didn't say much of merit or intelligence (if I may be so judgmental) but they did offer up this:

'if I push on my nail right here, see, I get like this white liquid come out'
'what is it?'
'I dunno, it tastes a bit salty'

... I don't know what to say about that one.

Those are the joys, you get snippets in to peoples' lives on a short journey and you can wonder if that is them as standard, or are they having a bad/good day? I wonder what they do when they're alone on the train and what they'd think of me when I'm having a rare conversation with someone on the train. 

The bane of travelling the trains without entertainment is when you get caught with the crazy passenger. I had gone all week without this, I should have known my time was up. 

I'd got the train with due time, I'd found a good seat - near a heater but not directly, window seat with sight of the carriage door - and was settled in for looking out the window and daydreaming (perhaps this blogpost would have been better if I had such a chance?).

She sat in front of me and I continued on out the window even though we were still stationary on the platform. I had assumed if you don't make eye contact with people you're safe. Oh no... how wrong I was.  

She tapped me on my knee.

Firstly, that is to me a true invasion of my personal space and privacy unless I had something on my face, there was a fire behind me or she knew me.

I gave a slight smile at this lady, asking what she wanted without actually speaking.

She didn't even say hello, she just offered me a tissue. I said no thank you, I'm fine and I had a packet in my bag anyway. Oh she replied I offer them to most people in case. I politely thanked her and went back to my vigilant post of looking out the window.

This did not deter her.

She tapped me on the knee again.

She went into a small spiel about the weather, how she'd been out to get some food. I smiled again, wary not to be overly enthusiastic with my facial expressions and keep talking to a minimum. She continued. 

To cut it short, as it was a torturous 20mins for me, she explained how to make spaghetti Bolognese and then freeze it, but when you reheat it you just add a bit of soy sauce to the pasta to make it fresher tasting (why?! why would you add soy sauce to just the pasta section if at all to spaghetti Bolognese?!). The journey seemed longer than twenty minutes, I had exchanged panic glances with a guy across from us, he was no help he chuckled to himself and looked at his ipod - damn! He was prepared! I endured for twenty minutes before practically running off the train to freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

I learned a harsh lesson. 

Charge iPod.

Carry book.