I'm Just A Peeping Tom

I'm a self confessed people watcher. I love it. 

Sitting in a coffee shop window staring on to a busy street watching people go by is a fantastic way to spend an afternoon. Largely, no one notices you staring at them, you're not a part of their world but then there are those who do. I quite like those who you awkwardly make eye contact with, I've grown so confident in my people watching I like to hold the gaze until they look away first - victory! Although they tend to look away first because they're heading somewhere, the window ends and they have to navigate a street without bumping into people.

I like to imagine what they do, or what conversation they may be having; the arguing couple, the parent and child, the elderly, the friend group, the odd couple etc. It's even better with a friend, you can then take on the roles of people or help each other out in spotting anything of significance (for example, just this week I did this with a friend and we spotted three guys of university age walking at a quick pace and with purpose.... whilst one held tightly on to a hobby horse. We saw them return with bags of clothes shopping with said hobby horse still walking quickly and with purpose. I wonder...)

I don't do this on the train or bus. The rules change. I don't ever know where is a safe place to look, I never want to stare at someone and the window can be a deadly minefield especially when it's dark. Not to mention at peak time most people look pretty glum, tired and generally hassled. But that's a whole other ball field.

A lot of the time, my thoughts focus on what they may do for a living. Are they wearing that suit for a special meeting or is that their daily work attire? Why do they need a suit? Some look comfortable in a suit, some look especially confined.

Are they happy with their life? Is their job what they always wanted or did they 'fall' into it? What are their hopes and aspirations or is everything exactly as they had wished for? What are they listening to on their mp3 players? Do they like it loud or just loud enough so they can still hear train announcements or other peoples' conversations? Would I judge them if I knew what they were reading on their kindle? They read that paper? What a shame.

Those who show hints of their personality even in their banal work uniform or suit are always of interest to me. Those in the smart suit but with a mohawk. Too many piercings in the ears or stretched ears. The hint of a tattoo. Do they let loose on the weekends? Even those who are 100% dedicated to their 'alternative' lifestyle spring many more questions. Not all of them can be in 'creative' or alternative job roles (tattooists, piercers, artists, musicians), do they have lenient managers? Are they the manager? Is it all they have left of themselves before selling the rest to the 'man' or Apple?

Do these people have partners? Children? Family? Friends? Did they grow up near by? Did they like school or were they bullied? Alternatively, were they the bully? What do they remember about the last five years? Are they in love? Are they sad? What are they going to have for dinner? Do they prefer tea or coffee? And what is their favourite colour?

I wonder what I must convey to other people watchers. I'm undoubtedly impossibly boring to watch. I don't think I give much away most days - lots of black clothing, hair which has mouldy-green ends (I'm washing it out, it's not just sheer laziness like the majority of the time), but what else? I look out of windows a lot, or read or sleep whilst commuting. Do I look thoughtful as I hope I do? Does my makeup say anything about me? Is it odd that I'm so pale in a city of tan-admirers? Did I go to school with you? If so, I'm going to try my best not to make eye contact. 

Most of all, I wonder are most people just generally happy? Happy with their lot, or what they're striving for. I hope they are, I hope that waking up isn't a struggle for them and even though they might be having a bad patch I hope that people can get through it. It sounds coy, pathetic and hippy-esque but surely everyone deserves to be happy?

My favourite people to people watch are those who are alone and smile to themselves. A happy thought or a text or idea that their face couldn't hide. It's a beautiful moment that I, as the voyeur, can't help but join in on.

Life Through Eddie's Eyes #1

#1: Wildlife Programmes

Let's make introductions first, so as not to be rude.

World this is Eddie:

This is his TV face

Eddie is my 2yr old-ish rescue cat. We haven't had him so long but he fits in with our small household just perfectly and we are still learning each others' idiosyncrasies.

We have learned he shares my love of wildlife programmes. 


His favourites so far are:

• any David Attenborough (we've watched Africa, Galapagos & The Life of Mammals), 

• Polar Family & Me (with Gordon Buchanan, a firm favourite in our house)

• he also enjoys Winterwatch (I'm less of a fan but it's a compromise and I think he liked it because of the birds and Gordon Buchanan's voice which he recognised. Clever cat)

• and we've (we being myself and my Mum, this was her doing - she defended herself by saying at least what he was watching was educational...) even started enabling his viewing abilities, this is how he watched the Natural World Special: Jaguars - Born Free

Next, I'm going to try to get him to watch Simon Reeve when he next has a show on. I'm sure he'll share my love for Simon. Positive.

In spite of the adorability of the above, I can't help but think how confusing watching a wildlife programme must be for the little guy. He sits watching birds through the patio window, plotting how he'll get his murderous way but understands that when he goes outside these are the same blasted birds that taunt him when he's inside. He'll have his way with them as soon as he's allowed out unsupervised (vets orders, honest).

On the flipside these animals on the TV are right there in front of him, so brazen and unaware of his presence; he pads at the screen trying to catch the baby ostriches, padding at the eyes of a ginormous bird and stalking leopards but even though he's touching them - he's not. He looks at the ceiling when the birds fly off, goes behind the screen to see where the big cats went and looks at me for help. Sorry little one, better luck next time. 

It results in one confused cat, who then takes his frustration out on my arms and feet.

What must cats think when they watch wildlife programmes? They recognise animals but they obviously can't comprehend the idea of a television and how it's a recording. I often wonder what goes through his mind (do cats have thoughts other than food, toilet, kill?)

Selfishly, I hope he never figures out that he won't be able to kill an ostrich or stalk with jaguars because I love watching him, watching the television so intently and climbing up to get a better look at those huge fish and brushing his face against the screen when he sees bear cubs. It's one of the many little things that makes being a cat-mum so fun, enjoyable and lovely.

But, not wanting to be biased I thought I'd let Eddie give his version of events.

Here's what he had to say:

``z ;./;./ggf/ftg./d./erdxe33333333µ

He hasn't mastered using a keyboard yet but let's not hold that against him eh? 

He was looking for an escape route, I was trying to make him wave

All photos are mine, please don't steal them. He's my kitty, very cute yes, but just say that they're mine, that be nice. Pleaaaase don't be a thief! Thank you, please, etc. Lovely people.

Oh god, I'm one of those internet people now aren't I? Any other photos of mine, feel free just leave the kitty! 

Overheard This Week

I've hopped on the train more than normal this week, and due to failure on my part for not charging my ipod and not having any reading material I have rediscovered the joys and banes of travelling on the train without entertainment.

The main joy is listening in to peoples' conversations. Now I know this rude, or so I've been told, however I have never listened in to someone's conversation unless they were talking quite loudly which means I don't have to strain to listen at all. 

Here is a small sample of what I heard...

1. Woman of around 30yrs old talking to a work colleague (I'm assuming, as she told him she'd see him the next day in the hellhole - this may or may not have been an euphemism)

'Well, when I was getting my butterfly tattoos, I was spyin' on the guy in front of me gettin' his done and he got British tattooed right across his back but the guy who'd done it spelt British with two t's! Never laughed so much, but at least you can't misspell a butterfly eh? But yeah, I'm going to get them covered up next week'

Now, as someone who has tattoos and knows a fair few tattooists, I did find this anecdote amusing but not in the way she did. (If you are reading this and are wanting/about to get tattooed do NOT allow someone to touch you with a needle that marks you for the rest of your life who cannot spell). Anyway, I guess her just desserts are that she works in a hellhole and you can't misspell a butterfly but you sure as hell can eff it up.

2. A young, pregnant woman on the phone to her friend

'I told him that he weren't coming in the room with I'm pushing it out. I know! I'll hold it in if I have to, I don't want him anywhere near me and if he is in there I'll break his hand. Awh, I'm tellin' ya if I weren't so far along I would not be havin' his baby'

This was confusing. In spite of me not being a mother, I'm almost certain you can't hold a baby in if you're in labour and I'm now worried about the future of this child's life. I'm sure this young lady was having a bad patch, she did go on to say how much she had bought for her future arrival - lots of pink.

3. Two young women chatting next to me. They were fairly banal and although it was compulsive listening they didn't say much of merit or intelligence (if I may be so judgmental) but they did offer up this:

'if I push on my nail right here, see, I get like this white liquid come out'
'what is it?'
'I dunno, it tastes a bit salty'

... I don't know what to say about that one.

Those are the joys, you get snippets in to peoples' lives on a short journey and you can wonder if that is them as standard, or are they having a bad/good day? I wonder what they do when they're alone on the train and what they'd think of me when I'm having a rare conversation with someone on the train. 

The bane of travelling the trains without entertainment is when you get caught with the crazy passenger. I had gone all week without this, I should have known my time was up. 

I'd got the train with due time, I'd found a good seat - near a heater but not directly, window seat with sight of the carriage door - and was settled in for looking out the window and daydreaming (perhaps this blogpost would have been better if I had such a chance?).

She sat in front of me and I continued on out the window even though we were still stationary on the platform. I had assumed if you don't make eye contact with people you're safe. Oh no... how wrong I was.  

She tapped me on my knee.

Firstly, that is to me a true invasion of my personal space and privacy unless I had something on my face, there was a fire behind me or she knew me.

I gave a slight smile at this lady, asking what she wanted without actually speaking.

She didn't even say hello, she just offered me a tissue. I said no thank you, I'm fine and I had a packet in my bag anyway. Oh she replied I offer them to most people in case. I politely thanked her and went back to my vigilant post of looking out the window.

This did not deter her.

She tapped me on the knee again.

She went into a small spiel about the weather, how she'd been out to get some food. I smiled again, wary not to be overly enthusiastic with my facial expressions and keep talking to a minimum. She continued. 

To cut it short, as it was a torturous 20mins for me, she explained how to make spaghetti Bolognese and then freeze it, but when you reheat it you just add a bit of soy sauce to the pasta to make it fresher tasting (why?! why would you add soy sauce to just the pasta section if at all to spaghetti Bolognese?!). The journey seemed longer than twenty minutes, I had exchanged panic glances with a guy across from us, he was no help he chuckled to himself and looked at his ipod - damn! He was prepared! I endured for twenty minutes before practically running off the train to freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

I learned a harsh lesson. 

Charge iPod.

Carry book.

Fandom: The Fantastic & Frightening World Of

 

Fandom

noun; fans collectively, as of a motion-picture star or a professional game or sport

Fandom, fangirls, fanboys - they’re the full-on, bordering on obsessive fans of anything really: actors, films, TV series, musicians, fashion, comedians, hair styles, cartoon characters, places, design, houses etc.

My name is Carys and I am a fangirl. 

I spilt the things I fan over into two categories. 

1. The constants. The things I adore long term and have done so for a while.

2. The currents. They are what I obsess over in the short term and it’s likely some of the currents will move in to the constants. 

Here are mine:

Constants:

Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam

Robb Flynn/Machine Head

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Harry Potter (films/books/actors - in particular Severus Snape, Sirius Black & Bellatrix Lestrange. For the record, I’m a Slytherin and proud)

Currents:

American Horror Story/Evan Peters

Liam Cormier

Jon Richardson

Chris Ramsay

I could go into great detail as to why I love them but I think my tumblr page does that sufficiently.

Tumblr is the spiritual home for the majority of fan girls and boys. 

However, I know my fangirling days started a long time ago before Tumblr. I used to buy any magazine/DVD, watch any show or DVD with my first love - Bam Margera. Ah young love, it was never to last!

But yes, I fangirl on Tumblr, where I can find others who share the same feelings I do for my constants and currents. Usually the fans stick together, you can remain unjudged on the sometimes extremely crude things you feel and say towards those you fan over. In fact, a large majority of the time you are encouraged and are led to believe it’s completely normal to feel absurdly angry for no reason over a famous person you’ve never met flicking their hair and looking 100% beautiful, so beautiful it makes you want to sob into your keyboard and cry to the heavens ‘whhhhhhy? why would you make someone so perfect?!’ until you go outside in to the scary world of real life and you meet someone who smashes the bubble into a million tiny pieces.... sorry, let’s smile and carry on shall we?

Tumblr Speak

For the new to fangirling in the internet (Tumblr) age there are a few phrases that are associated with the general world of fanning but usually each group of fans have collective names (e.g. Harry Potter fans - Potterheads, Robb Flynn (aka The General) tends to refer to his fans as Motherfuckers - I promise it’s meant in a loving, tender way) and phrases to that particular band/actor and so forth.

Here is a quick look guide to some of these phrases:

Feels; a sweeping term for anything you feel towards actor/musician etc. This can be good/bad/indescribable/irrational/angry. You have feels. You never know what to do with feels, they are just there.

asindfbkdfakjj; a keyboard smash. Used when you can’t describe the feels or don’t know what to say. 

ovaries...burst; for women mainly, when something extraordinarily cute/sweet/lovely/sexy is seen and your ovaries burst because... well they just do because your body can’t handle whatever youre seeing or hearing.

^_^; this a squee face, when you see something cute or something that makes you happy and makes you pull a face like that which is a bit feline

shipping; when you take two people in a band/film/TV show and ‘ship’ them together as a couple. I spoke to my dear friend and fellow fangirl, Sarah on this and she said the following:

‘the only thing that makes me laugh about it is people saying "I will go down with this ship" or more simply "I'm on this ship" makes them sound like cargo."I ship these together" On the same boat? Okay then’

So you think you're a fangirl/boy?

So how do you know if you are a fangirl? The dear friend, mentioned above has made a fangirl handbook so I extracted some of the symptoms which are included (if you need the full book, I would find her somehow it’s very useful). 

Usually you are in over your head before you can do anything about it, and fanning is not something new - groupies have been the somewhat ‘controversial’ fangirls of many a great rock band for decades.

Symptoms:

Irrational anger; for example does seeing an actor you have feels for make you angry for no reason say if they look particularly dashing with a new hair cut?

flailing; this is a physical reaction to the above

sobbing; whether in reality or not, you can be sobbing at the beauty of a person or a particularly sweet thing they did. 

The symptoms aren’t a general thing, they can be specific to the individual. Luckily it is easily diagnosed but sadly not easily cured. 

Further to the symptoms here's a few things you should look out for:

• Do you find yourself watching videos on youtube, DVDs or looking at photos of someone/thing that you like more often than you used to? 
• Do you find yourself saying I’ll just watch this 10minute video and 10hours later you’re still watching videos? 
• Do you get very defensive if someone questions why you like said famous person/book? 

Then you may be a fan girl or boy! Congratulations & apologies! (I’m not really sorry, I’m a long lost cause and happy to float on the metaphorical sea of my fangirl tears).

In for the long haul

Being a fan is wonderful and sometimes can be strange. A fellow fan will understand, an outsider will see you as weird and the whole thing very bizarre. You may grow out of it, it may be a passing phase but for some it may be a lifelong dedication that will shape the person they are. It’s not assigned to a certain gender, age group or ‘type’ of person and it isn’t a new phenomena. 

I’ve met people who will travel the country, the continent and the world to see their favourite band, camp outside venues and premieres for hours to sometimes just catch a glimpse of an actress they admire. People may sneer and scoff, but the dedication, passion and adoration of fans is what makes the majority of films, bands, actors, models, politicians, books successful. Without the fans, they are nothing. 

See below, Eddie Vedder with some of the fans. Look at the fans' faces and his. It's pretty self explanatory.

My name is Carys and I am a fangirl who is going to go look at more photos of any one of my constants and currents!

NOTICE: If you have been affected by anything you have read today, please go to tumblr.com and post about it with an accompanying gif and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Breaking News!

Your top headlines today...

Newsreaders. We share our breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper times with them. We can share every waking moment with them if we do so desire. We hear about the important and trivial stories from around the world through them. They become apart of our lives and we'll forever associate pivotal life/world moments with a reporter. Unaware, these reporters can change my mood like a light switch - one comment that I may deem annoying and they are subject to perhaps an unnecessary outburst of short lived anger; a witty remark and I'll chuckle about it later.

I choose to receive my news mainly through the BBC, they are my preferred choice (ITV's yellow and grey studio is far too distracting, and in spite of my love for Jon Snow and his coordinating sock and tie combination Channel 4's output is just not at a convenient time for me and there's too many satellite news channels to opt for). So I stick with the BBC. Generally, I find their readers and reporters to be likeable, the camera work is, on the whole, excellent and they get the job done to a standard I approve of.  For the most part I am a content viewer my comments are usually 'he's had a hair cut', 'oh, they're back, they must have been on holiday' etc. However, my hatred is reserved for those readers on 'the news where you are' [they will remain nameless but I am a BBC viewer and I live where it's grim... decide amongst yourselves]

These outbursts are typically along the lines of:

'He/She is the definition of a smarmy git'
'I don't think I'd be able to refrain my punching them if I met them'
'Oh ha ha ha, look at you all, all buddy buddy oh what fun - fuck off'
'Yeah think that's funny? Take this! [then I change the channel]'

Don't get me wrong, this is unjust but it doesn't half make me feel better over a cup of tea and I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in doing this. They can't hear me and I'd be ever so polite (and a little two faced) if I did meet the 'smarmy git' in person. It's only my poor mother and/or cat who get to hear my daily outbursts which I'm sure they don't even notice anymore.

And as much as I delight in having these unjustified sparks of hate (it's a healthy daily dosage), there is the other side of the coin. The newsreaders and reporters who you adore.

Mine is George Alagiah. 

Ah, lovely George. He is for me, what David Attenborough is to wildlife programmes. I fear the day when he may no longer be on my screen, it creates a lot of anxiety. I worry when he hasn't been on for a while and I am relieved at his return. I internally debate whether it really is wise to send him to war torn places. His clever word play on links between one story to another never fails to make me smile. The way he adjusts his tone perfectly for the news story. And always the glint as he makes a humorous remark between the final story and the weather... ah, George...

And now, for the weather...

Weather it's rain or shine (pathetic attempt, I know) I have some issue with nearly every single weather reporter. 

Those who simply deliver the weather as standard I find boring and mentally switch off, only to question as soon as they've finished 'but will this mean I should wear a jumper or risk without it?! Tell me!' 

Yet those who try to make it a bit more fun, I loathe. They cheekily tell us to 'wear a scarf' or 'carry an umbrella this weekend' and I cannot stop the malice inside me bubbling up to the surface for me to spit out 'I can fucking dress myself you cheeky bastard'. It's not they're fault. It's a difficult balance they contend with, and one that I am yet to be satisfied with. 

Quite frankly, it's not so difficult to look outside make a judgment upon the skies and perhaps always carry an umbrella... just in case. It is the great British weather after all!

Your final round up of today's headlines...

My apologies go out to the newsreaders who are at the end of my attacks (that they don't know about), really they do a stella job. It's not something I could ever do; all that smiling and being jolly with your colleagues on screen, changing from light hearted to the sombre, trying to predict mother nature.

I still choose to tune in on a daily basis and my minor spiteful actions of watching a different news show are always disappointing on my behalf and I come crawling back with my tail between my legs to the comfort I know and secretly love. But do beware the day that Alagiah leaves my screen, the cries of woe will be heard nationwide.

Well, that's all we've got time for today. Hope to see you again next time.

Goodbye.